Adventures of Independent Me

Long time, no write.

I’m still not lawyering, and I’ve been trying to write independently for the past few months. But the discipline to put my words on a page — it’s not there. It’s something I have to work at, and I’m not doing it. Not even things that could save me are hitting pages.

It doesn’t help that I no longer have full Internet access at home. Any engagement with online life now happens through my smartphone. I don’t like taking my laptop out (I am far too accident-prone) and I am reluctant to start loading up my quiet home with Internet and cable. I tied so much of writing to blogging that words on private spaces don’t get written. I figure there is no space more private than my mind. I have my mind for storing those seeds of stories, acorns of anecdotes. This post is the most I’ve written in a while, and it helps to consider it writing because it is on a blog. My words in my cyber place.

Speaking of which, I do have my own literal living place now. It’s been a month. I am slowly acquiring the things I need for my apartment, and I am stalling on unpacking and organizing all the knick-knacks I’ve accumulated. But it is fun to walk into a space and be able to call it home. Literal, spiritual, emotional – home is a place to feel affirmed and safe.

Home affirms. There is nothing more dangerous than a disaffirming home. Toni Morrison’s Beloved is a brilliant fictional account of this principle. If you can’t heal and thrive in the place created by you and for you, it’s time to move on.

I am on a journey to heal and thrive.

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